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Last month I wrote a post about a mom, Linda Lenz, who lost her son to addiction…
What Linda is doing really touched me and I want to share it with you because I really feel if we all pull together we can save lives.
Well, Linda is continuing to get her story out to the world in hopes of helping our kids to be informed and to STAY AWAY from drugs.
Linda’s latest accomplishment was being on Fox News this past Sunday evening!!
Check it out…
Below is a link to a post on Fox News where Linda is interviewed as well as 2 High School athletes who were drawn into the dark world of drug addiction. Please read, it’s really an eye-opener and very informative!
Heroin addiction considered “an epidemic,”and anyone can be impacted, even student athletes written by Tom Pipines.
Linda’s story: A Mom’s Gift To Her Son
Together we CAN make a difference!
Please leave a comment with your thoughts…
“Do they know?”
Moms of addicts often wonder if the rest of the world knows what it’s REALLY like to have an addicted child…
Have you ever thought about how it feels to be the mom of an addict?
Have you ever thought to yourself “Wow, that must be so hard for her!”
Have you ever “put yourself in her shoes” and realized what her life must be like?
Most likely you haven’t.
But I’m sure a lot of you have a friend, family member or co-worker who has child addicted to drugs…
And more than likely you get tired of hearing about the problems and drama that a addict’s mom “complains” about (often on a regular basis).
Maybe you’ve been at work and a co-worker is constantly bringing up her addicted daughter and what she’s done now, such as lying, stealing, in jail, relentlessly calling her while she’s at work.
Are you polite and just seem to listen while you’re really thinking “I wish this woman would stop complaining so much, it’s all day every day and I’m tired of hearing about her problems!”?
Do you gossip with other co-workers about her “problems” and imply that she is to blame?
Or maybe you have a friend who whenever you’re around her all she can talk about is how upset and worried she is about her addicted son.
Maybe you avoid her so you don’t have to listen to her problems? Or you rush her out the door? Or you stop calling her as much and tend to ignore her calls at times?
Maybe it’s a cousin whose child is an addict, and you just think you must have done a better job raising your child than her because your child didn’t become addicted to drugs.
OR your friend might even be quiet about what’s going on with her child and it’s eating her away inside.
Well, I am one of those pesky mom’s! That’s right!
I’M your annoying co-worker, friend or family member!
My child is an addict, and I don’t keep quiet about it because I need my friends and family to care about me and what I go through.
Some moms keep their child’s addiction a secret because of the social stigma regarding addiction, while they silently suffer deep inside.
Us moms of addicts want the rest of the world to understand what it’s like to be US, and what we go through. We need your kindness and support….because it could have been YOUR child.
We don’t want you to FIX our problems, believe me when I tell you that we’ve tried everything under the sun to save our child!
What we DO need is your kindness and understanding.
We don’t need to be judged…how would you feel if you were judged?
Having compassion and empathy for others would make this world a much better place!
If your child were ill I’m sure you would need the support and kindness from friends, family and co-workers. Right?
Have you ever feared for your safety at the hands of your own child? Can you even begin to imagine feeling that way?
Well, a lot of moms have experienced this fear, and some have suffered actual physical assaults by their child. And yes….some have even been killed by their own child. I’m sure you’ve seen things like this in the news before, felt bad about it for a minute, then didn’t think twice about it as you went on about your day.
I personally have never been attacked violently (not physically anyway) by my daughter, but when she lived with me I DID keep my bedroom door locked at night. Because quite simply she could be very scary, and there were threats made by her at times. I sure wasn’t going to take any chances!
Can you imagine raising a grandchild or grandchildren? Addiction is the #1 reason so many of us grandparents have had to start all over again raising kids.
Do you know what it feels like to also be worrying every single day, and the fear that your child, your baby that you raised, could DIE from an overdose at any moment?
It hurts – A LOT!
Do they know how it feels to not want your own child in your home?
Do they know how helpless we feel that we can’t make things “all better” for our child?
Hopefully you’ll develop a more loving and compassionate view of what we go through and how strong we really are.
We are moms who love our children very much, just like you love yours. It kills us inside to see our children taken over by drugs.
So if you are a mom who doesn’t have an addicted child, then count your lucky stars….
And always remember…
It could’ve been YOUR child.
Part One and Part Two are written by me, a mom of an addict and are based on my feelings and experiences. There will be more to come…
Click the following link to read Part One: “Do They Know? Part One“
Please feel free to leave a comment or even your own “Do they know?”…
Are you missing out on precious life moments because of THIS?
Yup, all of our “techy” toys seem to be taking over our lives and the lives of our children.
Most of you probably own some kind of smart phone, some type of computer or tablet, a video gaming system, mp3 player, ipod etc…
Where are the kids?
Even YOUNG children know how to use all of this “techy” stuff, and a lot of VERY young children have tablets and gaming systems of their own. Kids are now starting to play Play station or Xbox when they’re 3 and 4 years old. Really?
What happened to playing outside?
Kids used to play at the park. They used to run and laugh and roll down grassy hills with their little friends. Now they’re on their very own tablets playing games!
Parents allow small children to play games on their cell phones, then complain that their child broke their phone? Of course they did, you let them play with it, kids drop things, and this is a surprise?
I have always kept my cell phone out of my grandson’s reach, he knows he’s not allowed to touch it. It’s our only phone and I sure can’t afford to replace it!
Now for us ADULTS…
Everywhere I go I see adults on their cell phones. Someone’s either texting, talking or playing games. In a restaurant everyone’s checking their phones. At a birthday party we’re texting someone…or making a call.
When we’re home we’re doing all kinds of things at once, surfing the web while texting and talking, while our kids are playing games on one of many different “techy” things.
A scary thing that I’ve noticed is that a lot of parents are so busy on their cell phones that even when they are home or take their kids to a park to play they are not even watching their kids!
For our family and friend’s birthdays a lot of us send texts or post on Facebook. Same with holiday wishes.
No more sending cards or having a conversation with the people we care about….not even on a special day…
That’s so SAD!
Of course not EVERYONE is doing this.
Sure, I have a few friends and family members who don’t have a lot of technical toys, some don’t even have cell phones…. They send cards and they call. Wow, what a concept!
I find this to be especially sad….
I’ve recently seen and heard stories that there are parents out there that take pictures of them and their child(ren) and post on Facebook as if they’re actually playing with or spending time with them. But all they really did was post a photo and a status (if you think about it, if you are actually spending time with your child(ren) at that time then how would you have time to post a bunch of photos and a status? Aren’t you busy playing with your child?)
That’s a REAL life story that I’ve seen happen.
I’m not referring to anyone who posts photos AFTER activities with their kids. I LOVE seeing the pics after your home and post them!
I have to admit that I am guilty of some of the above. I used to love talking to my loved one in person or on the phone, but not so much anymore. A lot of people I know would rather text so I guess I’m getting used to it, but my fingers start hurting when I have to type an actual conversation. That’s just way too much typing!
It’s like no one answers their phones very often anymore (yes, another one I’m guilty of).
It makes you wonder how the heck we ever survived without all of our electronic gadgets…but we DID survive, and we had FUN!
Aren’t the people who are important in our lives worth a visit or a phone call? A real conversation? It should really be a priority to spend time with our loved ones.
That’s how memories are made.
Texting and posting on Face book is NOT living in the moment and creating a great memory. You need to take the time to enjoy and savor the special moments!
I’m so thankful that my grandson prefers playing with friends and the outdoors rather than sitting in front of video games all day. He LOVES being active!
“Look UP”, not DOWN!
It’s very sad though that our relationships with our family and friends are suffering because we are never “looking up”.
Most of us seem to be looking down – at whatever “techy” thing we are playing with at the time.
Check out this video – it’s so very true! We are missing so much!
Beginning now I’m going to start changing from ‘looking down” to “looking up”. I don’t want to miss out on all of the precious moments and memories.
I actually went outside today to play with my grandson and didn’t bring my cell phone out with me, and I survived without it! It was a great feeling to be “in the moment”.
How about you? Let us know what you think!
What do Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Love have in common?
Love applies to many different situations. You can love God, your spouse, family, children, friends, pets, and of course “things” (but we will not be going there with the material possessions!).
Love is a deep and enduring emotion, usually for another person close to our heart.
6 things Love and Grandparents Raising Grandchildren have in common:
Attachment: When we are “in love” or love someone we develop a great attachment to that person. I know in my case I am extremely attached to my grandson. He’s a part of me and part of everything I do.
Us grandparents become very attached to our grandchildren under any circumstances…..it’s just what we do!
So you can only imagine how attached we become when actually raising our grandchildren. (Yep, very deep attachment, VERY deep!)
Devotion is an intense love and an enduring loyalty to a person.
Us grandparents are very devoted to our grandchild(ren) and want to give them the best chance in life possible.
Do you have an intense love for your grandchild(ren)? I sure do!
Affection is and enduring fondness and tenderness for the person we love. When raising a grandchild a grandparent has a similar affection for their grandchild.
Adoration is to love intensely or deeply. Adoring your grandchild is pretty much a given if you’re raising a grandchild.
Tenderness having and/or expressing warm and affectionate feelings. Yes, grand “parenting” will bring out the tenderness in us!
Fondness is indulgent, doting. This is one that us grandparents are especially good at! (Warning! The indulgent part can be quite expensive if you’re not very careful!)
Falling “in love”
Falling in love involves feeling deep affection for another, which is how I feel about my grandson, and how I’m sure you all feel about your grandchildren.
How can we help but fall in love with our adorable, wonderful grandchildren?
And what a wonderful feeling it is to love up to and hug and cuddle a precious grandchild….
Love is NOT selfish!
Raising your grandchild is one of the most unselfish things you can do for your grandchild.
The love we give and receive when we are in this situation is a very special kind of love that is beyond anything we ever imagined.
And of course we’ve all heard the saying…
“Love is patient and kind”.
So what does all of this mean? It’s really quite simple…..
Grandparents are AWESOME! We are a great example of LOVE!
This was such an exciting Day!
Mario got to spend 15 minutes with a baby tiger last summer (July 2013).
And ironically the baby tiger’s name is Summer!
There was a charity event in St. Augustine, FL and we were invited by a friend who had reserved a 15 minute visit with Summer for Mario.
Summer was 10 weeks old when we met her…
It was possibly a once in a lifetime experience, not only for Mario but for ME too…It was awesome to actually pet a REAL tiger!
Mario really loved spending time with Summer! I love seeing his face light up with amazement…
Here’s a short video I made of Mario’s visit with Summer to share with you all- Enjoy!
Also check out this article to read some myths about tigers. I didn’t know some of these, very interesting!
Isn’t Summer adorable?
What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of the benefits of playing sports? Most likely it would be being physically fit, right? Of course this is true!
I’m sure you’d agree that being active and playing sports is very healthy for our kids bodies. Also, if children start playing sports at an early age they’ll have stronger bones and muscles as they get older, which is important for as they get older.
So, not only does your child get a full-body workout, they also develop a good habit that’s likely to last a lifetime.
Exercise for our child is so important and sure beats sitting in front of a TV or playing video games all day while eating a bunch of snacks!
And to make it even better….
There are MANY other benefits of playing sports!
Being a good sport, win or lose
Remember when your child was younger and you were all excited when he/she was finally old enough to play board games? (Or is that just me?!) So you rush to get out a game and you start playing with your child only to have tantrums or upset ruin the whole game! Yes, your child is “off the wall” upset because YOU are winning! Even if you’re in the middle of the game and it looks to him/her as if you MIGHT win, you would think it was the end of the world by their reaction!
This went on with my grandson Mario until he was 8 (he’s 8 1/2 now). I bought tons of board and card games over the years and I was so disappointed that we couldn’t seem to ever get through a game….
So, Mario started playing on his first basketball team when he was 7 and he was so upset whenever his team lost. He played again when he was 8, and STILL got very upset when his team lost.
Then he started playing baseball. In the beginning it was the same old thing when his team didn’t win, but at some point during the baseball season, he suddenly “got it”.
You know, the part where it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. He even started complimenting players from the other teams on their game!
This was a HUGE turning point for him!
Mario’s a very good player, he is a “natural” at sports (nope, he does not take after me, I’m quite clutzy!), and I’m thrilled that now he knows it’s okay to get out there and try your best, win or lose.
And YES, I’m beyond excited that now we finally can play games together at home and have FUN!
Even our little ones can feel anxious or depressed at times. Learning new skills and putting their physical energy into sports can help so much with keeping any child’s anxiety and depression under control.
Think about it, when you’re busy learning and getting a work out your mind is occupied AND you’re using up physical energy which stimulates the “feel good” center of your brain.
Same thing goes for kids!
So I say…let ’em go crazy and get that energy going!
Playing sports gives your child a chance to learn how to work with others.
Your child will belong to a team that has to work together toward achieving a goal (no pun intended!). Therefore, of course, your child will learn teamwork!
By being a part of a team your child also learns cooperation (yes, we ALL want our children to learn that one!), and leadership skills.
Participating in sports also teaches children how to be patient and that they must take turns. (I love this because then us parents get help from coaches with teaching our kids patience!)
All GREAT things we all want our child to know and learn!
My grandson LOVES sports! He is actually a little “sports fanatic” (apparently a goal of his!). He’s constantly either watching Sports Center on TV or outside playing with a baseball, football or basketball. Not to mention swimming, riding his bike and many other “sporty” kinds of things!
Mario will ask his coach a million questions, and practice on his own time. He will actually practice with anyone he can find at any given time. He wants to know it ALL!
It’s amazing to me that he can actually have an intelligent conversation with adults about the teams and players of all of these sports.
Make new friends
Playing sports is a great way for your child to make new friends. What’s better than having good friends who have the same interest as you? These friendships could also help your child develop more interests in other areas such as art, music, reading, etc…
I’ve also found from my own experience, especially with baseball, that I’ve also made new friends. There were lots of 2 hour practices and then of course the games, so you spend lots of time with the other parents. I really loved it, baseball was a ton of fun for me too!
What if my child isn’t into sports?
Of course every child is different and there are many who aren’t interested in sports. Or maybe your child prefers individual type sports such as swimming, track, ballet etc… Maybe your child is a great chess player, or debater. Any hobby or passion your child is interested in is always wonderful!
But it is definitely beneficial to your child’s health to include physical activity every day in some way, shape or form.
I think it’s awesome that there are kids out there who develop a passion for sports and want to learn all there is to learn. Actually their passion could be for just about anything! (legal and moral of course!)
Our passions define us as we grow, and a thirst for knowledge about the good things in life that are important to us is such a wonderful benefit!
Can you think of more benefits our kids receive playing sports? Please share your thoughts with us!
Drug Addict Thinking
There are many grandparents who are raising their grandchild(ren) these days, and the number one reason for this is drug addiction. If you are the parent of a drug addict (or alcoholic, yes, alcohol IS a drug!), then you are most likely familiar with the “roller coaster” of emotions we all experience as a result of the drug addict thinking.
When our child first starts using drugs our first instinct is usually that we want to “save” our child from this horrible path. I felt that way when my daughter started, kind of like “Supermom to the rescue!”.
It’s very difficult to finally realize that your child is an addict, I know that MY heart was broken into a million pieces. It was and is so hard to see my “baby girl” struggling with addiction. After years of trying to help my daughter, I was left feeling helpless since I was unable to “fix” her. If I had the power to fix another person’s life, then my daughter would have been “fixed” a long time ago. Can you relate to this?
Although we can’t change the way our addicted child(ren) perceive things while on drugs/alcohol, there ARE ways we can cope and at least get ourselves off of THEIR roller coaster.
The Addicts Way of Thinking
As I’m sure you’ve experienced, a drug addict’s thinking is enough to make you crazy! It feels as if suddenly all of the addict’s logic and reason have flown out the window! All kinds of drama starts going on in our child’s life, and nothing we say makes any sense at all to him/her anymore. Oh, and let’s not forget the part where all of this “drama” seems to spill over into OUR lives and causes us tons of stress.
Isn’t it just so frustrating when you are saying logical things to your child and they look at you like you have lost your mind? Then you wonder “Where is my REAL child? What happened to his/her mind? Who is this selfish person with no conscious? Why does my son/daughter not understand that what they are doing is wrong?” etc… It’s almost like an alien from another planet took over the mind and body of your child, and you feel like screaming “Get out of my child NOW!!!!”).
So what causes this to happen? From what I learned at the billions (well, maybe not “billions”, just feels that way!) of “orientations” I’ve had to attend at a very long list of drug rehabs, the drugs can cause a chemical imbalance in the drug user’s brain. Although their are many people in the world who can drink and use drugs socially without becoming addicted there are also many who end up addicted beyond all reason.
Once this happens the only thing they care about is their drug(s). So if that’s all they care about eventually this will all start interfering with their home life, work life and relationships. Not to mention the totally illogical way of thinking that eventually occurs, and the affects that this will all have on you and your grandchild(ren).
I’m not going to pretend that all of this makes complete sense to me, because a lot of it doesn’t. While I can understand the addiction part, I just could never wrap my brain around the part where that line is crossed and the addict loses everything and cares about nothing but the drug(s). I guess it’s one of those things that you can;t completely grasp unless it’s happened to you.
So What Can You Do to Get off of this Crazy Roller Coaster?
Realize it’s okay to say “NO” to your child! This can be difficult because addict’s are great manipulators and tend to lay on the guilt trip. Your child knows deep down inside that you love him/her,which makes it much easier for them to push your buttons to get you to (hopefully) do what they want.
Do not give your addicted child money… And be aware that your child will not take kindly to this. Try not to take whatever words the addict may throw at you personally. Always remember that this not your “real” child, and it is the drugs talking.
Even if you don’t think they spend the money on drugs that is EXACTLY what they are doing with it. I sure don’t want to be responsible with providing my child with money so she can do something that is hurtful to her and slowly killing her. It took me way to long to stop doing this! I always wanted to believe if I helped that things would change.
Do not provide bail money. I have never provided money to bail my daughter out of jail, and asked others not to. I always felt relieved when she was in jail because she was actually safer and I knew where she was.
I understand how you could feel bad that your child is in jail and want to believe any promises they make while begging you to bail them out. Most of the time they have no intention of following up on their promise to get help if you bail them out. It’s important that our child take responsibility for their own actions brought on by their behavior.
Don’t lie or cover things up to protect them. As a parent you have a natural instinct to protect your child. But lying for them will not help them, it actually hurts them in the end and enables them to keep on the same path. So if you’re child asks you to lie about anything for them…say NO. They need to handle their own situations themselves.
Don’t let the drama affect you. Dramatic calls and situations from our child will happen often. If they want something from you and you say no then you’re likely to hear all kinds of mean and hateful things coming from their mouths. Or they could be calling because they want to complain about others or how no one cares about them. Or it could be millions of other things, including manipulation tactics.
Ways to deal with the drama..One way I have learned to deal with these calls is to simply say “I’m sorry but I am not willing to stay on the phone and be treated badly. I love you, goodbye”, “I’m sorry you are felling so angry, but I need to go, I don’t allow drama in my life anymore.” This has been a very hard one for me, but I am much better at it now, and life is much more peaceful this way. Hanging up the phone is OKAY!
The whole point is to not have drama, get drawn into an argument, or be caused STRESS. If you have to unplug the phone or even temporarily block their number then do it. You are not the addict and it’s not your drama, so let the addict own their own drama.
Don’t completely cut the addict out of your life. This does not mean to accept unacceptable behavior. You have every right to not allow an abusive, manipulative person in your home. Your addict may have also stolen from you in the past, so you do need to take precautions.
Unless you have been attacked or threatened it could be a good idea to keep the lines of communication open. How is this possible when everything is so crazy? Well, there was something I read years ago that has always stuck with me….”As long as the addict knows there is someone out there who loves him/her then there is always hope”.
Since I read that I have always made sure that my daughter knows I love her. Even if I am in the process of hanging up on her I will say “I love you” before disconnecting.
If you need to get a restraining order or call the police….then DO it. If you and/or your grandchild(ren) have been threatened or have endured abusive behavior at the hands of your child then you need to protect yourself and your precious grandchild(ren) at all costs.
Understanding How to Help Ourselves Live Calmer Lives
It is very important to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. A support group (including understanding friends and family) is essential because it helps you keep your perspective and helps you to stay strong.
Exercise and nutrition are important too. You need to be able to provide your grandchild(ren) with a stable home environment, and keep the stress as low as possible. Try your best to promote peace in your life and your grandchild’s.
Being the parent of an addict and raising your child’s children is a lot to take on for grandparents. I am sure you all worry about your daughter or son as much as I worry about mine. It’s so hard isn’t it? We raise our babies and want the best for them. For now the best we can do for them is to give their children a chance at happiness and a good life.
Other than that, there is NOTHING we can do to help the addict unless he/she wants to be helped. I have come to this conclusion regarding addiction and it’s helped me to stop lecturing and trying to fix my daughter:
“We make as much sense to our addicted child(ren) as they do to us”
If you give in to your addicted child please do not beat yourself up about it, it happens! This all takes practice and we don’t always know what to do. Go easy on yourself!
I would love to hear from you as always, and your suggestions and comments are always welcome. We’re here to help each other!
I know, I know, as much as none of us WANT to admit that we are getting older, the truth is we ARE. Even though in our minds we still feel so young, our bodies are NOT so young anymore and we tend to develop some health issues as we get older. Also, there are unexpected health problems that can pop up at any time (always such a pleasure!). Of course, both existing and unexpected health issues can happen to anyone at anytime and at any age, but us “parenting” grandparents are more likely be dealing with these issues on an everyday basis. Plus we are raising a child or children again….
Existing Health Issues
If you’re like me, then you probably find that your existing health issues are a bit easier to handle than the unexpected “SURPRISE, I GOTCHA!” ones.
Maybe you have high blood pressure like me, rheumatoid arthritis like my little granddaughter’s other grandmom (yes, I am full of surprises here! My granddaughter will be introduced on my site soon!) , a heart problem, or one of many other health problems.
Since you are used to living with your very own unique health issues every day they come to be a part of your life that you just accept. Sure, it can be very difficult at times to function with some of these problems, especially while raising a granchild, but for the most part we can figure out ways to work around these limitations. In my case I take blood pressure medication every day (not hard at all, I am lucky!).
Then one day along comes an UNEXPECTED health issue….
Coping with Unexpected Health Issues
These unexpected little surprises in the health department come at the most inconvenient times (as if they are EVER convenient!). Fortunately there ARE ways to cope.
So, let’s say you find out you need to have surgery. Not a fun thing to have to go through, but if you have a choice of dates try hard not to pick the soonest. Give yourself some time to get it all together at home, very important, this will make your life after surgery so much easier.
Here’s what I did prior to my very recent surgery:
- Organize things the best you can (paperwork, bills, any special items you will need, any help you will need with your grandchild(ren) such as getting to school, sleepovers with friends, etc.) Also figure out who is willing to help you with meals and other things as needed.
- Discuss with your grandchild(ren) that you will need their help, that they will need to pick up after themselves, also rules for playing outside, having friends over or not, and anything else that will affect their lives while you’re recovering. Kids could also help with doing dishes, taking out trash, small cleaning chores, and also by providing their awesome company! This of course is age appropriate, my grandson is 8 so that’s what I did. There’s no need to go into all the details with them, especially if they are young, but you will find that they love you and they WANT to help.
- Clean the house, preferably the day before your procedure. This way it will be done when you get home and you won’t have to worry about it. This also includes laundry and changing the sheets. Everything! (I am one of those people who when I am told I am not allowed to do something it suddenly becomes so important that I get it done. So this one helped me a lot! Please note though that this is also exhausting!)
- Food Shopping should be done the day before also. When shopping remember that frozen food is your friend! You could also make a few meals in a crockpot and freeze for a healthier option. Make things as easy as possible for yourself while you heal. Also don’t forget to get the kids some special treats (aka bribes, just kidding – maybe!)
- Set up everything you will need so it will be right near you, that way you will have what you need by your side and can rest and heal. I plugged in all chargers I would need into a power strip. You know, for cell phone, blue-tooth headseat, tablet, etc. I also put a coaster on my nightstand and made sure the tv remotes were there.
As far as any kind of accident that happens suddenly, such as when I broke my ankle in two places after cleaning the hardwood floors (my grandson was 5 at the time)…..
The best thing to do is just go with the flow. Forget the mess, it will be there when you recover. And always, always remember that your grandchild(ren), big or small, WANT you to be okay and WANT to help! They will amaze you with their love and helpfulness!
If you have any additional suggestions for coping with health issues please comment.
As always I would love to hear from you!
What is the “fine line”? Well, I am a Mario’s grandmother and I am also his parent at the same time. If I had not been raising Mario I would have been experiencing being his grandparent. So in that case I would be having him for sleep-overs, taking him on adventures, babysitting him sometimes, and of course SPOILING him! And then he would go home to be with his mom.
On the flip side, as Mario’s parent I am providing (or at least attempting to provide!) stability, discipline, good values and morals, emotional support, fixing boo boo’s, guiding him through everyday life, helping with homework (ugghh! That can be a tough one!) and so on. All of those “parenty” kinds of things.
Now for the “fine line” (In case you’re still wondering what that is!). The “fine line” is….
When I find myself being a grandmom instead of a mom, or even worse a mixture of BOTH!
Thoughts will be running through my head such as “Well, he IS my grandson and other grandmoms would buy him this toy he wants so badly, or feed him tons of candy on a visit, or give in just to see his little smile!
Then the “other” thoughts come. NO, that’s not how things are! I can’t do these things to these things in the same way as a regular grandmom can. Besides, that would be terribly expensive since he’s with me every day!
It’s very important to find a balance when you are caring for your grandchild or another family member’s child.
You have to put your “parenting” hat on, and try your best to keep it on. Sometimes though that hat will fall off, and that’s okay, as long as you put it back on quickly! It will take some practice at being the parent figure, but it does get easier with time.
The most important thing to remember is that it’s okay to be in both roles, because quite simply, you ARE! Just roll with it and you’ll eventually find a happy medium and lean more toward the parent role.
I would love to hear of any difficulties and how you are trying to overcome them or any funny stories you have with your “fine line”, so please share!