Month: January 2015

“Do they know?”

Moms of addicts often wonder if the rest of the world knows what it’s REALLY like to have an addicted child…

Have you ever thought about how it feels to be the mom of an addict?

Have you ever thought to yourself “Wow, that must be so hard for her!”

Have you ever “put yourself in her shoes” and realized what her life must be like?

Most likely you haven’t.

But I’m sure a lot of you have a friend, family member or co-worker who has child addicted to drugs…

And more than likely you get tired of hearing about the problems and drama that a addict’s mom “complains” about (often on a regular basis).

Maybe you’ve been at work and a co-worker is constantly bringing up her addicted daughter and what she’s done now, such as lying, stealing, in jail, relentlessly calling her while she’s at work.

Are you polite and just seem to listen while you’re really thinking “I wish this woman would stop complaining so much, it’s all day every day and I’m tired of hearing about her problems!”?

Do you gossip with other co-workers about her “problems” and imply that she is to blame?

Or maybe you have a friend who whenever you’re around her all she can talk about is how upset and worried she is about her addicted son.

Maybe you avoid her so you don’t have to listen to her problems? Or you rush her out the door?  Or you stop calling her as much and tend to ignore her calls at times?

Maybe it’s a cousin whose child is an addict, and you just think you must have done a better job raising your child than her because your child didn’t become addicted to drugs.

OR your friend might even be quiet about what’s going on with her child and it’s eating her away inside.

Well, I am one of those pesky mom’s! That’s right!

I’M your annoying co-worker, friend or family member!

My child is an addict, and I don’t keep quiet about it because I need my friends and family to care about me and what I go through.

Some moms keep their child’s addiction a secret because of the social stigma regarding addiction, while they silently suffer deep inside.

Us moms of addicts want the rest of the world to understand what it’s like to be US, and what we go through. We need your kindness and support….because it could have been YOUR child.

We don’t want you to FIX our problems, believe me when I tell you that we’ve tried everything under the sun to save our child!

What we DO need is your kindness and understanding.

We don’t need to be judged…how would you feel if you were judged?

Having compassion and empathy for others would make this world a much better place!

If your child were ill I’m sure you would need the support and kindness from friends, family and co-workers. Right?

Have you ever feared for your safety at the hands of your own child? Can you even begin to imagine feeling that way?  

Well, a lot of moms have experienced this fear, and some have suffered actual physical assaults by their child. And yes….some have even been killed by their own child.  I’m sure you’ve seen things like this in the news before, felt bad about it for a minute, then didn’t think twice about it as you went on about your day.

I personally have never been attacked violently (not physically anyway) by my daughter, but when she lived with me I DID keep my bedroom door locked at night.  Because quite simply she could be very scary, and there were threats made by her at times.  I sure wasn’t going to take any chances!

Can you imagine raising a grandchild or grandchildren?  Addiction is the #1 reason so many of us grandparents have had to start all over again raising kids.

Do you know what it feels like to also be worrying every single day, and the fear that your child, your baby that you raised, could DIE from an overdose at any moment?

It hurts – A LOT!

Do they know how it feels to not want your own child in your home?

Do they know how helpless we feel that we can’t make things “all better” for our child? 

Hopefully you’ll develop a more loving and compassionate view of what we go through and how strong we really are.

We are moms who love our children very much, just like you love yours.  It kills us inside to see our children taken over by drugs.  

So if you are a mom who doesn’t have an addicted child, then count your lucky stars….

And always remember…

It could’ve been YOUR child.

The “Do They Know?” series, Part One and Part Two was inspired by a friend who was in awe of how strong moms of addicts are and what our addicted children put us through.  

Part One and Part Two are written by me, a mom of an addict and are based on my feelings and experiences.  There will be more to come…

Click the following link to read Part One: “Do They Know? Part One“

Please feel free to leave a comment or even your own “Do they know?”…

Lori